Baby Loss Awareness Month: When the world moves on, but your grief doesn't

October is Baby Loss Awareness Month. For many people, it is an important opportunity to talk about pregnancy and baby loss, to raise awareness, to remember babies who have died and to remind bereaved families that they are not alone.

Baby Loss Awareness Week takes place from 9–15 October 2026, ending with the global Wave of Light at 7pm on 15 October.

But there is another side to Baby Loss Awareness Month that I think is important to acknowledge.

Because while October can bring comfort, connection and a sense of community, it can also bring memories back to the surface for people who have experienced pregnancy or baby loss, sometimes memories that have been carefully put away just to get through everyday life.

And when those feelings return, they can feel incredibly raw.

“How did this happen to me?”

Baby loss can leave you feeling as though you have somehow stepped into an awful nightmare.

How did this happen?

Why is this happening to me?

How am I supposed to carry on?

Nobody told me this could happen.

And yet, sadly, pregnancy and baby loss is not rare.

Sands' most recent statistics estimate that around 15 in every 100 pregnancies end in miscarriage in the UK, although there is considerable uncertainty around the figures because many miscarriages are not formally recorded. In 2024, there were 4,477 stillbirths and neonatal deaths in the UK, around 13 babies dying shortly before, during or soon after birth every day.

Behind every statistic, though, is a baby.

A family.

A story.

And a loss.

Baby loss doesn't have an expiry date

One of the things I think is particularly difficult about baby loss is that the rest of the world keeps moving.

There are birthdays, Christmases, Mother's Day and Father's Day. There are pregnancies announced by friends and family. There are babies being born. There are first birthdays, first days at school and all the milestones that children reach as they grow.

And then there are the milestones that your baby never reached.

September can be particularly difficult for some families. As children start school, parents who have experienced pregnancy or baby loss may find themselves thinking about the child who would have been starting school that year.

Perhaps there is a due date approaching.

An anniversary.

The date your baby died.

The date you found out you were pregnant.

Or simply a day when something unexpectedly brings it all back.

I know something about this personally.

I lost my own baby brother when I was around three and a half years old. He died in 1979, just four weeks after he was born. Although I was very young, that loss has remained part of my life. I still recognise his birthday, and I still recognise the date that he died.

Loss can stay with us in ways that other people don't always see.

And that is why I believe so strongly that grief doesn't have an expiry date.

You may look as though you are carrying on. You may have returned to work. You may have other children. You may even feel that you have found a way to live alongside what happened.

And then something happens.

And suddenly, you are back there.

When people stop asking

There can also be a painful silence around baby loss.

Initially, people may ask how you are.

They may check in.

They may say your baby's name.

But as the weeks and months pass, the questions often stop.

People don't necessarily mean to be unkind. Sometimes they simply don't know what to say. Sometimes they are frightened of upsetting you. Sometimes they assume that because you are functioning again, you must be feeling better.

But for a bereaved parent, it can sometimes feel as though everyone else has forgotten.

And perhaps you feel that you are expected to forget too.

You may even find yourself wondering whether you are allowed to still be grieving.

You are.

There is no correct timetable for grief.

And there is no requirement to stop loving or remembering your baby in order to continue living your life.

Baby loss can affect an entire family

Baby loss doesn't only affect the person who carried the pregnancy.

Partners can grieve very differently from one another.

Grandparents can experience an enormous loss while simultaneously trying to support their own adult child.

Siblings may wonder about the brother or sister they should have had.

Some parents may decide they cannot, or do not want to, experience another pregnancy, while others may go on to have another baby but find that a subsequent pregnancy brings its own fears and anxieties.

There is no single way to respond to baby loss.

And there is no hierarchy of grief based on how many weeks pregnant you were, how long your baby lived or how long ago the loss happened.

Pregnancy loss can happen in the early weeks of pregnancy. A baby can die later in pregnancy, during birth or after they are born.

Every experience is different.

Every story matters.

Sometimes the loss is complicated by what happened afterwards

The grief itself can be painful enough, but sometimes there are other layers to work through.

Perhaps you didn't feel listened to or supported by the healthcare professionals caring for you.

Perhaps language was used that felt cold, clinical or difficult to understand when you were frightened and vulnerable.

Perhaps you have questions about what happened that you still don't have answers to.

There can be feelings of anger, frustration, distrust or even a sense that your trust in healthcare has been broken.

There may also be cultural or religious considerations around what happens after a baby dies, including decisions around investigations, post-mortem examinations, funerals and burial.

For some families, these decisions have to be made very quickly, while they are still trying to comprehend what has happened.

And then, eventually, there is the question of what happens next?

Going home.

Telling people.

Returning to work.

Trying to function.

Trying to explain to colleagues why you aren't quite yourself.

Trying to cope financially.

Trying to navigate a subsequent pregnancy, if that is something you choose.

Last month’s announcement from the UK Government has also highlighted the reality that pregnancy loss affects people's working lives. From a future implementation of the new provision, women and their partners experiencing pregnancy loss before 24 weeks will be entitled to up to two weeks of unpaid leave.

That is an important recognition of the impact of pregnancy loss, but unpaid leave will not necessarily mean that every family can afford to take the time they need.

Grief doesn't stop because the bills still need paying.

You don't have to get over your baby

This is perhaps the most important thing I would want anyone reading this to know.

You don't have to get over your baby.

You don't have to forget.

You don't have to stop talking about what happened.

And you don't have to pretend that you are okay simply because some time has passed.

As a Sands-trained counsellor, supporting people affected by pregnancy and baby loss is an important part of my counselling work.

My approach is person-centred, which means there isn't a prescribed conversation that you have to have when you come into the therapy room.

You can bring whatever feels important to you that day.

Sometimes that might be the loss itself.

Sometimes it might be anger.

Fear.

Guilt.

Sadness.

Confusion.

A difficult experience with healthcare.

A relationship that has changed.

A subsequent pregnancy.

Returning to work.

Or perhaps something that happened that day which unexpectedly brought everything back.

You can talk about your baby.

You can say their name.

You can talk about the memories you have and the future you imagined.

You can bring the thoughts and feelings that may feel too painful, complicated or frightening to share anywhere else.

And you don't need to protect me from them.

My role isn't to tell you how you should grieve. Through our therapeutic relationship, we can gently explore what is happening for you, at your pace, in a space where your experience can be heard without judgement.

Moving forward doesn't mean moving on

I don't believe that moving forward means leaving your baby behind.

It doesn't mean forgetting.

It doesn't mean deciding that enough time has passed and you should be okay now.

Sometimes moving forward simply means finding a way to carry what has happened while gradually finding your way back into life.

Perhaps October has brought feelings back that you thought you had already dealt with.

Perhaps you are experiencing baby loss for the first time.

Perhaps it happened many years ago, but something has changed and you are finding that your grief is present again.

Or perhaps you have spent years putting on the brave face that everyone around you needed you to wear.

You don't have to do that in the therapy room.

You can simply come as you are.

Your story matters.

Your baby matters.

And your grief deserves somewhere to be heard.

If you would like support

I offer a safe, calm and compassionate space for people experiencing pregnancy and baby loss, whether the loss is recent or something you have been carrying for many years.

I offer counselling in person from my therapy room in Hoddesdon, Hertfordshire, as well as online.

If you would like to talk about whether counselling might be right for you, you are welcome to get in touch for a free 15-minute introductory call. You don't need to know exactly what you want to say, we can simply start with a conversation.

A gentle note

If reading this has brought up difficult feelings for you, please be kind to yourself. You don't have to read everything about baby loss simply because it is Baby Loss Awareness Month. It is okay to step away from awareness content if you need to protect your own wellbeing.

And if you are struggling and need immediate support, organisations including Sands can provide specialist support to people affected by pregnancy and baby loss.