Never had therapy before? Here’s what you can expect…

If you've been thinking about therapy for a while, perhaps because something has happened in your life that you're struggling to process, you may be wondering whether therapy could help.

Maybe you're at a crossroads; perhaps you've experienced a major loss, or you've been feeling anxious, overwhelmed or exhausted. You might not even be able to put your finger on what's wrong; you just know that things don't feel quite right.

Maybe someone has said to you, "Have you thought about therapy?" or "Why don't you try talking to someone?".

So you search. You Google. You look through therapist profiles and directories. Eventually, you find someone who feels as though they might be a person you could talk to and work with.

You take that first step and send a message: "I think I might need therapy. Can you help?"

And then perhaps another thought appears: "What actually happens now?"

If you've never had therapy before, it's completely understandable to feel unsure about what to expect. Starting something new can feel daunting, particularly when you're already feeling vulnerable.

So I thought I'd share a little about what happens when you contact me and what you can expect from your first sessions.

Your first session isn't a test

Before your first session, I'll usually send you some information to complete, including a consultation form and the therapy agreement.

This means that we can deal with some of the practical details beforehand, rather than spending valuable time in your first session going through things such as your contact details, GP information and other background information.

It also means that when we meet, we can focus more on you and what has brought you to therapy.

Your first session isn't a test. You don't have to arrive knowing exactly what's wrong. You don't have to know precisely what you want to achieve, and you don't need to have a list of goals prepared.

I may ask whether you have any short or long-term hopes/ goals for therapy, but there is no expectation that you'll have all the answers straight away.

Therapy can be a journey, and sometimes understanding what you need takes time.

You don't have to tell me everything straight away

When you come to therapy, we'll start by exploring what's brought you there. You can talk about what's been happening, your circumstances, your thoughts and feelings, and what you'd like support with.

The therapy room is a space where you can talk about things that you might not feel able to share with family or friends.

But that doesn't mean you have to tell me everything in your first session. Building trust takes time. There may be things you've been keeping inside for a long time, and you may know that eventually you need to talk about them. But you might need to find the right time and feel ready before you can do that. And that's okay. You can go at your own pace. I won't push you or expect you to disclose something before you're ready.

Therapy isn't about me telling you what to do

This is an important part of how I work. Therapy isn't about me telling you how you should live your life or giving you a list of things you need to do to fix everything for you.

This is your journey.

My role is to walk alongside you, listen, support you and help you explore what's happening for you. My approach is pluralistic, which means I don't believe there is one particular way of doing therapy that will work for everybody.

We're all different. We have different experiences, different personalities and different ways of processing our thoughts and emotions. So we'll work together to explore what feels most helpful for you.

It doesn't have to be one-size-fits-all

Counselling and talking therapy may be where we begin. Having the space to talk, be listened to and build a therapeutic relationship can be incredibly valuable in itself.

But because I'm an integrative therapist, there are other approaches and techniques that we may be able to explore where appropriate.

For some people, hypnotherapy can be helpful. Others may find techniques such as EFT (tapping) useful as a way of working with difficult, stagnant emotions.

We may also explore elements of NLP, such as looking at how you perceive certain situations and whether there are different ways of thinking about or responding to them.

However, these approaches aren't right for everyone and that's completely fine.

There is no requirement to use any particular technique. The important thing is finding an approach that feels appropriate and helpful for you, so that you can explore and find the right answers inside of you.

"What if I cry?"

This is something people sometimes worry about.

It's okay to cry. It's also okay if you think you're going to cry.

Therapy can bring up emotions that you've been holding inside for a long time, and having a safe space where you can allow those emotions to come to the surface can be part of the process.

And yes — if you need to swear, you can swear! I'm not going to be offended.

The therapy room is a place where you don't have to worry about putting on a brave face or pretending that everything is okay.

"What if I don't know what to say?"

That's okay too.

Sometimes your mind might go completely blank. Sometimes silence is exactly what you need. Silence can give you space to think, search for the words and process what's happening internally before you're ready to speak.

You don't need to fill every second of the session with conversation.

"What if I change my mind?"

You are allowed to change your mind.

Perhaps you realise that you're not quite ready to explore something yet. Perhaps it feels too much at this particular point in your life and you need to pause, or change the subject and explore a different aspect instead.

That's okay.

Therapy needs to happen at a pace that feels manageable for you.

And if you decide to take a break and return at another point when you're ready, that's okay too. There isn't a single "right" way to experience therapy.

"What if I don't know what's wrong?"

Sometimes we know exactly what's troubling us. And sometimes we don't. You might simply have a feeling that something isn't right without being able to explain what that something is. That doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid.

Sometimes we can feel uncomfortable with change or uncertainty, and it can feel frightening to explore what might be underneath those feelings.

You don't have to understand everything before you come to therapy. We can explore it together, at your pace and in your own time.

"Will you judge me?"

No. Therapy should be a non-judgemental space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings and experiences honestly. That doesn't mean I'll always agree with everything you think or do. I may gently challenge your thinking or offer you a different perspective. But I won't tell you that you're "wrong".

You have autonomy over your own life, and my role isn't to make those decisions for you. My role is to support you as you explore what you think, feel and need as you find your own answers inside of you.

You don't have to have everything figured out

If you're considering therapy, you don't need to know exactly what you want to talk about.

You don't need to have the "right" words. You don't even need to know exactly what's wrong.

Sometimes simply reaching out and saying - "I'm struggling and I think I might need some help" - is enough.

Therapy can give you the space to slow things down, make sense of what you're experiencing and begin to understand what you need, before you decide what action you need to take. And you don't have to do any of that alone.

So, if you've been thinking about therapy and wondering whether it might be right for you, please feel free to get in touch.

Give me a call and we can have a chat.

I hope I can reassure you that whatever journey you feel you need to take, we can work together to make it a supportive journey, one that works for you, at your pace.

Michelle