Fertility journeys aren't just medical journeys. They can affect our emotional wellbeing, relationships, confidence and how we feel about ourselves and our bodies. So, who's looking after you along the way?
With National Fertility Awareness Week taking place 2-6 November, following October's Baby Loss Awareness Month, I wanted to take the opportunity to talk a little more about hypnofertility and how it may offer emotional support to people navigating their own fertility journeys.
Trying to conceive can be one of the most emotionally demanding experiences a person or couple can go through. There can be so much hope and anticipation, but equally so much uncertainty, disappointment, frustration and anxiety.
And whilst much of the focus understandably sits on the physical and medical aspects of fertility, we can sometimes overlook the emotional impact that the journey can have on us.
Whether you're trying to conceive naturally, exploring fertility investigations, undergoing IVF or other fertility treatment, or considering alternative routes to becoming a parent, the emotional demands can be significant.
For some, the journey may involve same-sex parenting, donor conception or navigating fertility as a single person. For others, there may already have been pregnancy loss, previous disappointments or difficult experiences that continue to influence how they feel about trying again.
Whatever your circumstances, your emotional wellbeing matters too.
The emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive
There can be so many different emotions attached to trying to conceive.
The excitement of deciding to start a family can quickly become mixed with disappointment when things don't happen as expected. Month after month, the waiting, hoping and wondering can become exhausting.
Perhaps you've been to your GP and are waiting for your first fertility appointment. Maybe you've experienced an early miscarriage and are waiting to discuss what happens next. Or perhaps you've already had investigations and are considering what medical assistance might be available to you.
Sometimes it can feel as though you're spending more time waiting than actually moving forwards.
And during those waiting periods, there can be so many questions:
Do we carry on trying naturally?
Should we be doing something differently?
What if there is an underlying medical reason?
What if we're told our fertility difficulties are unexplained?
What happens if treatment doesn't work?
How much longer can we keep doing this?
Meanwhile, life carries on around you. Friends and relatives may be announcing pregnancies, having babies or growing their families, and it can be difficult not to wonder why things aren't happening for you.
The emotional impact can extend into relationships, intimacy, confidence, self-esteem and everyday life.
You might find yourself becoming increasingly anxious, putting pressure on yourself or feeling disconnected from your body.
Sometimes there are other things happening in life too. Bereavement, relationship difficulties, work pressures, financial worries, moving house or other significant life changes can all add to the emotional load.
Your fertility journey doesn't happen in isolation from the rest of your life.
And this is something I feel is really important when considering how hypnofertility can support you.
What is hypnofertility?
Hypnofertility combines elements of hypnosis, relaxation, visualisation and mind-body techniques to support emotional wellbeing during a fertility journey.
I first trained in fertility hypnosis back in 2012, and have completed two different fertility programmes over the years. Both introduced me to the importance of mind-body techniques, positive suggestions and practical skills that people could use alongside their fertility journey.
However, as my experience developed, I began to recognise that there was often much more going on for the people coming to see me.
Many were carrying layers of stress, worry, disappointment and emotional pressure that extended beyond their immediate fertility concerns.
Sometimes these were connected to previous pregnancy losses. Sometimes they related to other experiences in life that hadn't necessarily been recognised or processed. And sometimes people simply needed somewhere to talk openly about how difficult the whole experience had become.
This is one of the reasons I wanted to bring my counselling experience into my hypnofertility work.
I now approach hypnofertility as a more individual and integrated form of support, combining counselling and hypnotherapy to look at the person as a whole, rather than focusing solely on relaxation and fertility-specific suggestions.
Why consider the mind-body connection?
Our minds and bodies are closely connected, and the way we experience stress can influence our general physical and emotional wellbeing.
When we're experiencing prolonged periods of stress, our bodies can remain in a heightened state of alertness. This can affect sleep, concentration, mood, relationships and how well we're able to manage everyday challenges.
Fertility difficulties can themselves become a source of considerable stress, creating a difficult cycle of worry, anticipation and disappointment.
It's important to recognise, however, that stress is not necessarily the cause of fertility difficulties. Infertility and difficulties conceiving can have many different medical and unexplained causes, and feeling stressed does not mean you are doing something wrong or preventing yourself from becoming pregnant.
Hypnofertility isn't about suggesting that you need to relax in order to become pregnant.
Instead, it's about giving yourself some time and space to look after your emotional wellbeing, explore the pressures you're experiencing and develop ways to manage the journey with greater calm, confidence and self-compassion.
How are hypnofertility sessions structured?
My hypnofertility sessions are usually around 90 minutes, allowing time for both counselling and hypnotherapy.
We begin with a conversation.
I'd like to understand where you are in your fertility journey, what's been happening and what has brought you to seek support.
We might explore:
How long you've been trying to conceive.
Whether you've experienced previous pregnancy loss.
Any medical investigations, diagnoses or fertility treatments you've experienced or are considering.
How the journey is affecting you emotionally.
Whether there are other pressures or significant life experiences contributing to your stress.
What you'd particularly like help with or hope to gain from our sessions.
There is no expectation that you need to have all the answers.
Sometimes people know exactly what they're struggling with, and sometimes they simply know that things have become overwhelming.
Having the opportunity to talk through these experiences can be an important starting point.
From there, we can consider how best to support you.
The hypnotherapy element is tailored to your individual circumstances. It may involve relaxation, guided visualisation, positive therapeutic suggestions and techniques to help you develop a calmer response to situations that you currently find difficult.
Where appropriate, we may also explore particular worries, anxieties or disappointments that have become associated with your fertility experience.
There isn't a standard script or one-size-fits-all approach. Your sessions are designed around you and the experiences you're navigating.
Who might benefit from hypnofertility?
Hypnofertility isn't exclusively for people undergoing IVF or those who have received a particular fertility diagnosis.
It may be helpful for people at different stages of their journey, including:
Those trying to conceive naturally
If you're finding the process increasingly stressful, experiencing monthly disappointment or struggling with the uncertainty of not knowing when or whether you'll conceive.
Those undergoing fertility investigations or treatment
If you're navigating medical appointments, IVF, IUI or other fertility treatments and finding the emotional demands difficult to manage.
Those who have experienced pregnancy or baby loss
If you've experienced miscarriage, early pregnancy loss or stillbirth, and are considering trying again or navigating another pregnancy. Previous experiences can bring additional anxieties and fears, and having somewhere to explore those feelings can be valuable.
Those experiencing unexplained fertility difficulties
If you've undergone investigations but haven't been given a clear explanation for why conception isn't happening, the uncertainty can be particularly difficult.
Those who are feeling overwhelmed
If your fertility journey is beginning to affect your relationships, confidence, self-esteem or general emotional wellbeing, you may benefit from having dedicated time to focus on yourself.
And sometimes people reach a point where they decide to stop trying to conceive, naturally or through medical assistance, and begin exploring other possibilities for building their family.
That can bring its own emotions, decisions and adjustments.
Wherever you find yourself, having emotional support along the way can make a difference to how you experience that journey.
What might you gain from hypnofertility?
My aim is to help you develop practical ways of looking after yourself, both during our sessions and in your everyday life.
This might include:
Dedicated time to focus on your own emotional wellbeing.
Learning relaxation techniques to help manage stress and anxiety.
Developing simple coping strategies and emotional anchors to help you feel calmer during difficult moments.
Exploring ways to respond differently to unhelpful or repetitive thoughts.
Building confidence and self-compassion.
Finding ways to manage uncertainty and the emotional highs and lows of your journey.
Having somewhere you can talk openly, without feeling judged or having to put on a brave face.
I also like clients to have things they can take away and use between sessions.
This may include personalised hypnosis recordings (MP3s), positive affirmations, relaxation exercises and simple techniques that can be incorporated into everyday life.
The idea is that you're not just receiving support during the time we're working together, but developing tools that you can continue to use independently.
Because looking after yourself shouldn't be something that only happens when you come to therapy.
How often would I need to attend?
I generally find that working together every other week can provide a helpful rhythm, giving you time to practise techniques and work with some of the things we've explored between sessions.
However, this isn't fixed.
Depending on what's happening in your life, the level of emotional support you need and the challenges you're navigating, we might decide that weekly sessions would be more appropriate.
We can also arrange an additional catch-up session between appointments if something particularly difficult arises and you feel you need some extra support.
Sessions are available face-to-face at my therapy room in Hoddesdon, Hertfordshire, or online.
Online sessions can work just as well for this type of support, provided you have a comfortable, private space where you can relax and take part without interruption - and a good pair of earphones for the hypnosis session is ideal.
What if I do become pregnant during our sessions?
That's absolutely fine!
Becoming pregnant doesn't automatically mean that your need for emotional support disappears.
For some people, a positive pregnancy test brings enormous excitement and relief. For others, particularly those who have experienced previous pregnancy loss or fertility difficulties, it can also bring anxiety, uncertainty and a whole new set of emotions.
You may find that you want to continue with some support during the early stages of pregnancy, or perhaps throughout your pregnancy, depending on your circumstances and what feels right for you.
We can adapt our work as your journey develops.
A little about me and why I offer hypnofertility
I've been working with fertility clients since 2012, initially through my training and experience in fertility hypnosis and hypnobirthing.
Over the years, I've really enjoyed supporting people through what can be an incredibly personal and emotionally challenging time.
One of the things that influenced my decision to train as a counsellor was recognising just how much more some of my fertility clients needed beyond the hypnosis sessions themselves.
Many were already seeing counsellors alongside their fertility hypnosis, because there were other things happening in their lives that needed space, attention and support.
Being able to bring my counselling and hypnotherapy skills together now means I can offer a more integrated approach within the same therapeutic space.
My work also includes supporting people affected by pregnancy and baby loss. I've undertaken Sands training to further develop my understanding of bereavement and the experiences of parents following baby loss.
I'm also pleased to have established a connection with the bereavement midwifery team at Princess Alexandra Hospital in Harlow, where my information leaflets are being made available to parents accessing their bereavement support services.
I feel passionately that people navigating fertility difficulties and pregnancy loss deserve to have their emotional experiences acknowledged and supported.
You deserve support along the way
Fertility journeys can be complicated, emotional and sometimes incredibly lonely.
There can be so much focus on appointments, investigations, treatment plans and outcomes that it's easy to forget about the person experiencing all of it.
You spend so much time focusing on the journey to becoming a parent, but who's looking after you along the way?
You matter too. Your emotional wellbeing matters too.
Hypnofertility isn't a fertility treatment, and it cannot guarantee conception, improved egg or sperm quality or promise a pregnancy. It is a complementary approach to emotional wellbeing and support, which can sit alongside appropriate medical fertility care.
If you're wondering whether hypnofertility might be helpful for you, I'd be very happy to have an initial conversation.
We can talk about where you are in your journey, what you're experiencing and whether this approach might be suitable for you.
You don't have to wait until everything feels overwhelming before asking for support.
Sometimes, taking a little time for yourself can be a positive first step.
Michelle x